(via neekaisweird)

I wish I owned a snake.

11:59 pm  •  27 December 2009

I got a question that I haven’t really told anyone the story of. (Seriously - only like three people know this story.) Because it’s not as much of a sore subject as it used to be, I figured I’d share with everyone.

In one of your recent blog posts, you talk about how you “singlehandedly ruined [your] relationship” by making “a ridiculously stupid decision.” What did you do?

Before I answer properly, you’ll need a little bit of back-story. (This will help the story make sense.) I’ve only ever had two boyfriends in my life: Bryan and Chad. I dated Bryan for two years in high school. He broke up with me for the fourth time about a week before graduation. I decided I’d had enough and went along with life. I texted Chad one day to see if he wanted to hang out. We were friends all through high school, but I had barely talked to him in two years and I wanted to reconnect with him before we went off to college. So, we hung out and kissed and old feelings were stirred up. (He’d tried to date me multiple times during high school.)

On the day of graduation, Bryan came to my party. Briefly, though. We got into a fight and he was rude and I told him this was absolutely it. I could not deal with his mistreatment of me and his utter lack of respect for my feelings and in no way would I take him back. He left, and then Chad came over. Chad and I officially started dating sometime in June.

This should have been my clue that this wouldn’t end well. I almost immediately jumped into another relationship after ending one that had lasted for two years with someone I had been completely in love with. In many ways, I was still in love with him.

Those feelings came back to haunt me in December. As perfect as my relationship with Chad was, he wasn’t Bryan. Chad treated me well and respected me and how I felt, but I still loved Bryan. (This was mostly my fault for not giving myself time to get over him.)

Not to mention the fact that Bryan had spent the whole time I dated Chad guilt tripping me. He’d constantly tell me how heart broken I’d left him or how he’d never find anyone else and how depressed he was. After a while, it started to get to me. I honestly believed he’d never find anyone else. (And, honestly, with the way he treated people, who else would want to date him?) Towards the end of 2008, I made a huge decision. I would break up with Chad. Chad was an amazing guy and he could easily find someone else. Bryan, on the other hand, could not, and I was willing to sacrifice my happiness to make someone else happy. I just couldn’t stand knowing that I had it within my power to end someone’s unhappiness and do nothing. So, I ended my relationship with Chad in January. Bryan and I didn’t start dating again. He resorted to all his old crap.

And I learned a very painful lesson. Sometimes, no matter how good or noble your intentions might be, you should keep your own best interests to heart. I ignored my wants and ended up causing a lot of unnecessary heartache for multiple people, including myself. I wouldn’t have stayed with Chad forever – I know that now – but at the time, I was devastated. I also learned that people don’t change – not unless they truly want to. Unfortunately, most times they don’t.

Ask me a question? Leave me a comment?

11:58 pm  •  27 December 2009

1. The Road of Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam is an amazing book.
2. wearing a cute outfit today.
3. buying another cute outfit!
4. getting a pair of skinny jeans that won’t get all messed up in my boots.
5. tamales for dinner.

10:16 pm  •  27 December 2009

I just finished reading this book. To say it’s an amazing story is an understatement. It’s powerful and moving. I can’t find words to explain how brave Somaly Mam is.

I encourage everyone to read it. It’s about an issue that is extremely important to me - so important that I plan to dedicate my life trying to end it. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

9:01 pm  •  27 December 2009

"People ask me how I can bear to keep doing what I do. I’ll tell you. The evil that’s been done to me is what propels me on. Is there any other way to exorcise it?"

— Somaly Mam

8:54 pm  •  27 December 2009

"What you have learned, from experience, is worth much more than gold. If you have a house it may burn down. Any kind of possession can be lost, but your experience is yours forever. Keep it and find a way to use it."

— The Road of Lost Innocence

8:12 pm  •  27 December 2009

"It is up to you to show that, no matter what has happened to you, you are still clever and good and strong."

— Somaly Mam

8:00 pm  •  27 December 2009

"You don’t stick your neck out and try to change the world. I understand that. I don’t feel like I can change the world. I don’t even try. I only want to change this small life that I see standing in front of me, which is suffering. I want to change this small real thing that is the destiny of one little girl. And then another, and another, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself or sleep at night."

— Somaly Mam, from her book The Road of Lost Innocence

7:33 pm  •  27 December 2009

And here’s the outfit I just bought today!! The skirt is so ridiculously cute and I found the perfect cardigan to go with it. I’m so excited to wear this out somewhere. (I’ll wear it with black tights and ballet flats. Heels if I’m feeling really adventurous.)

6:47 pm  •  27 December 2009

My outfit for today! For once, I tried to get pictures of the whole thing. I tried taking pictures with my camera, but it really wasn’t working out, so I just used my webcam. These pictures aren’t the best, but you get the idea. Oh! My tights are navy blue - it’s hard to tell. And my boots are dark brown. That picture came out super dark. Anyways, my little sister and I thought it was cute! :] (Oh, and I’m wearing shorts - you just can’t tell.)

6:46 pm  •  27 December 2009